At work. Got bored. So I decided to update my xanga.
I think I made a grave mistake today. I was tired so my defenses were down, and I went to buy a smoothie. I enjoy the Peach smoothie, so I decided to buy that. They have things called vitamin boosters that they put into your smoothie. I guess its like when you were a kid and your mom wanted to make you take medicine, and so she hid it in something good. Or like a dog, except the dog is usually smart enough to spit it out. So upon perusing the options I noticed there was an energy boost thing. Soo even though it is like 7:00 at night I figured that surely a energy drink would be a good thing. Anyway, its only 8 but I am gonna have a fun night. Tomorrow morning I will curse this smoothie, but for right now it seems like a good idea.
ok... so heres the thing. I decided to write another story. I am bored, and tired, and full of sugar and taurin (whatever that may be) sooo... story time.
This is Malcom. He likes to play with toy soldiers.
Like Commander Fritz
Adrian the guardsman
And Terrel the Vindicator.
Everyone tells him it is sissy to play with dolls, but he is above all that. And besides, it will be valuable one day, just like all the Episode 2 Star Wars action figures he has. I mean... who wouldn't want a Count Dooku.... mint condition.
So one day he was playing with his toy soldiers, outside on his lawn. Terrel the Vindicator had just discovered a bulletproof vest and was laying waste to Adrian and Fritz. Malcom liked Terrel the best. Suddenly a shadow covered the sun, a dark form loomed above him. Malcom screamed "I am your friend!" in klingon, but apparently this fellow wasn't familiar with that particular dialect. Then with a shudder, and a feeling of cold dread, Malcom realized that this was no klingon at all, but....
TOMMY!
And his girlfriend Lucinda, Malcom has had a crush on Lucinda since kindergarten, when she won the "Who can get to sleep the fastest contest" during nap time. He even threw blocks at her to make sure she wasn't faking, and she didn't even flinch.
Tommy peered down at Malcom, and glowered at the toy soldiers.
"These will go nicely with my collection" He said, and gathered up Terrel, Adrian and Fritz.
Tommy saved these toy soldiers for 30 years, and earned $100,000 selling them at an auction. He then realized that there was a better way to run auctions and created Ebay. He became fantastically rich.
Malcom never found any more army men.He moved to Barbies in desperation, and thereby blew his only chance at Lucinda when he invited her by and told her she could play with Ken. He became a programmer, and lives off of uncooked Ramen noodles. Tommy married Lucinda, because she knew he had Terrel the Avenger.
The Moral:?
Collect crap. It will make you rich.
I watched Garden State, the other night. Some favorite quotes.
Andrew Largeman: Let's just talk about good stuff.
Sam: Good stuff?
Andrew Largeman: Yeah. Glass half full shit. What do you got?
Sam: I got a little buzz. I got that.
[laughs]
Sam: What you got?
Andrew Largeman: I got a little buzz going
[pauses]
Andrew Largeman: and I like you.
[Sam, embarassed, giggles]
Andrew Largeman: So there's that. I guess I have that.
Sam: I can tap-dance. You wanna see me tap-dance?
Andrew Largeman: I would love to see you tap-dance.
Sam: I haven't even lied in like, the past two days.
Andrew Largeman: Is that true?
Sam: No.
Dr. Cohen: Of course you're all right. You're alive.
Mark: I'm okay with being unimpressive. I sleep better.
Staring into the intersection, she thinks that she can fly and she might
Holding on in a new direction, she's gonna try it tonight
The closer I get to feeling, the further that I'm feeling from alright
The more I step into the sun, the more I step out of the light
Jessica is covered ina blanket on a Sunday porch
Thinking of the weekends she would party in the city
She doesn't have a flame, she'd prefer to burn out like a torch
If she gets nowhere in life, at least she know's she pretty
She said, "Hey, now, the straw dog's out in the street
Hey now, there's chemicals in the clouds
Hey now, they're calling all the police
They won't get to us, anyhow."
The moon is shining now and shadows are what's left of all the noise
Simple silhouettes and cutouts as if we had the choice
He listens closely now, swears that he can hear a voice
That's calling him and saying
"Hey, now, the straw dog's out in the street
Hey now, there's chemicals in the clouds
Hey now, they're calling all the police
They won't get to us, anyhow."
What does it take to be a superhero in my world?
Make no mistake that these villains always get the girl
We can escape, and then we'd skate away from all of this
And no one ever does.
She's saying "Hey, now, the straw dog's out in the street
Hey now, there's chemicals in the clouds
Hey now, they're calling all the police
They won't get to us, anyhow."
To Anna!!!!
posted by Sam @ 5:34 PM
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